i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
