She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
