new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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