Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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