I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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