I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
