There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
