make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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