three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
