SEEEEXXX PLEASE
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
