Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
