you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Houston, we have a blender
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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