The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize