I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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