He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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