areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
