I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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