my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
