Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
