All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
