Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
