Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Even my vagina gasped.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
