everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
