Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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