You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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