I'm jealous of your bromance
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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