My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
