I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
