Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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