thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
