would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize