so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
