i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
