Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
