he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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