I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize