I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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