Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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