She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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