I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize