I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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