Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
