new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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