Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
