tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
