I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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