Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
