My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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