I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
