So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize