Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
