just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
