Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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