So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
