I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
