They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
