Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize