Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
