Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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