Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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