All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
