Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
