She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
