can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
