i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Randomize
