so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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