I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
