After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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