saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
