She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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