i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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