My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
