Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
